How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
