Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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