uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
