brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
