Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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