Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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