Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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