Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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