finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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