thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
