So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
if only i could text you this smell
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
