dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
