it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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