singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
