I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
