hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize