Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize