A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
