I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
