I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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