I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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