i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
