I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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