new low.... made out with someone while peeing
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
