I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
