Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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