Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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