I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize