Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
