Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
