just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize