drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
