I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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