his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
