I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
