i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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