I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
