Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
