I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
