His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
