hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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