I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
