I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize