mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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