He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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