There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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