Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
