you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
