he wants to bone in the snuggie
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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