I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize