you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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