how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize