at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
