she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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