You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
