so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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