I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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