between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
