Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
