there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
