Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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