I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
