Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
