you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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