If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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