You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Randomize
