If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
