Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
