when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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