After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We have started to decorate penises.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I didn't notice because vodka
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
