The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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