You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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